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FINALIST ― SOCIAL CHANGE ― ForeWord Reviews Indie Fab Award 2016
FINALIST ― SOCIAL CHANGE ― USA Best Books Award 2015
Your reactions to conflict are subconscious, scripted, and for the good of the group.
Conflict happens everywhere: at work, with friends and family, among strangers, and certainly in violence. Why did your boss ignore a suggestion that could save millions of dollars? Why do you have the same argument again and again with your spouse? When someone insults you, why do you get angry? Why do bad guys beat up the weak?
You have three brains.
• Lizard brain (survival)
• Monkey brain (emotion / social status)
• Human brain (reason)
Each “brain” has a different priority and evolved to deal with different kinds of conflict. They work using different scripts and have a very clear seniority system.
Conflict Communication (ConCom) presents a functional taxonomy to see, understand, and manipulate the roots of life's conflicts. You will have the background, the principles, and a collection of tricks to manage and ideally avoid dangerous conflicts.
No going back. After reading this book, you can never go back. Even if you reject everything in the program, even if you refuse to admit how often your monkey brain has controlled your life, escalations toward conflict will never again be invisible to you.
As the fortune cookie says, “Your life is about to change.”
- Sales Rank: #45770 in Books
- Published on: 2015-06-15
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.08" h x .51" w x 5.91" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 168 pages
Review
A manual of advice born of long experience with violence…Unpleasant but useful information, particularly for those who routinely come in contact with highly aggressive people. (Kirkus Reviews)
Concise, helpful, and well-organized, this is strongly recommended reading for those interested in learning to verbally de-escalate violence. (Foreword Reviews)
Like the Post-it� note, Conflict Communications is something you never knew you needed but cannot live without. The materials are straightforward and easy to apply, yet profoundly insightful. Once you begin to recognize the patterns that Miller describes within yourself and others it will forever change the way you interact. Armed with this new information I was able to resolve a longstanding deadlock on a $168M contract in less than two hours. It’s amazingly powerful and wholeheartedly recommended. (Lawrence Kane, Sensei; Sr. Leader, ITI Strategy, Sourcing, and Asset Management at a Fortune� 50 company; best selling author)
A set of extremely effective tools for predicting, avoiding, and managing conflicts. (MAJ Gregory Postal, MD)
…a priceless skill... (Jack Hoban)
Should be mandatory reading… (Tony Blauer, Blauer Tactical Systems)
Breaks out of the martial arts and law enforcement genre... (Jeffrey Cooper, MD)
The standard by which others [writing] on the subject shall be judged. (Steve Perry, NY Times best-selling author)
Won't just help your relationships, it just might save your life. (Alain B. Burrese, JD)
About the Author
Rory Miller, author has served for 17 years in corrections as an officer and sergeant, working maximum security, booking, and mental health. In 2010, he began collaborating with Marc MacYoung for a police verbal de-escalation program. That program became ConCom. Not just for police, ConCom has been taught in 8 countries and to groups ranging from police academies to hospitals and factories. Rory Miller resides in the Pacific Northwest.
Most helpful customer reviews
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Functional and Profitable
By Michael Philliber
Louis L’Amour’s fictional character, Chick Bowdrie, walked a thin line. He could have easily fallen in with the outlaws, and nearly did so, but was grabbed in the nick of time by the Texas Rangers. And so throughout the short stories and novels, Bowdrie’s ability to think within the mind of the bad guys made him a brilliantly competent and successful Texas Ranger. This capacity to think from within the predator’s mind runs throughout Rory Miller’s works, which is what makes them highly beneficial. Miller, a veteran Law Enforcement Officer and corrections sergeant, has pulled together another fine resource in his 168 page paperback, “Conflict Communication: A New Paradigm in Conscious Communication.” This is a book about communicating in tense and tight situations, whether at work, in in the home, at the pub, or on the street. It is written for Law Enforcement Officers, employees, supervisors, and men and women in all walks of life.
“Conflict Communication” is the meat-and-potatoes material from the author’s communications course. It presents the reader with a workable model for navigating communicative landmines, roadblocks, and traps. Miller follows an evolutionary pattern of how the brain functions and human consciousness operates. The most primal is what he calls the lizard. This is the hindbrain where the most primitive survival instincts lodge. The more developed is what he denominates the monkey brain. That part of our consciousness, the limbic system, which swims in the emotional stream and is concerned with status, social behavior and keeping the tribe alive. The most developed is the human brain, the neocortex, the youngest and newest member of the brain family. It is slower, yet gathers evidence, thinks, and weighs the options, as well as cause and effect. It is from this three part paradigm that Miller works out how to, and how not to, communicate in the midst of conflict.
The author takes the reader through assorted communication dynamics where conflict, abuse, or aggression happen, and shows various ways to turn the tide. He explains and demonstrates the scripts we often fall into, their benefits and hazards, and how to break out of them when they’re not helpful. What hooks are, how to see them coming and not to get snagged. Different approaches to take in organizations when dealing with higher-ups, as well as untouchables. How to engage in active listening, use tactical apologies, build rapport, establish boundaries, and set up common ground. The book is clearly a “how-to” manual.
“Conflict Communication” is an easy-to-read volume, broken down into three sections, which are broken down further into shorter, bite-sized chunks. The author has made the material accessible and broadly applicable. As Miller puts it, everything “in this book is a tool. It can show you ways to understand how communications go wrong and how conflicts arise. It might even give you the understanding you need to make some profound changes” (130). It’s a book worth getting and investing your time reading.
My thanks to YMAA Publication Center for the complimentary copy of the book used for this review.
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Brilliant, insightful, and amazingly powerful stuff
By L. A. Kane
Miller is one of my favorite authors and a genuinely good guy. He looks at the world a little differently than most and articulates his discoveries better than anyone so I've learned a ton of valuable information from him over the years, but this book takes it well beyond the next level. It’s insanely good. Really!
Like a post-it note, Conflict Communications is something you never knew you needed but cannot live without. The materials are straightforward and easy to apply, yet profoundly insightful. Once you begin to recognize the patterns that Miller describes within yourself and others it will forever change the way you interact. Armed with this new information I was able to resolve a longstanding deadlock on a $168M contract in less than two hours.
It’s amazingly powerful and wholeheartedly recommended.
Lawrence Kane
Author of Sensei Mentor Teacher Coach: Powerful Leadership for Leaderless Times and nine other books
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Great framework for dealing with all kinds of people and situations
By Adam Bockler
Every day, you likely face some kind of conflict.
At least I do.
Luckily for me, it’s usually not the kind of conflict that will get me killed. Instead, I deal with more social conflicts than anything – with coworkers and with family and friends.
You might be thinking this is a martial arts book, but it’s really not. It’s actually listed under the categories of social science and violence in society.
It's a great book that I've dog-eared a number of pages in, certain I'll need to refer to them again someday when I find myself in a similar situation
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